Smash the Scale 2014

   

Jes over at the Militant Baker published a freakin' beautiful photo shoot this past week called "SMASH THE SCALE" - a montage of women declaring freedom from a number.  She called for the Body Positive community to share their stories about why they're doing the same.  Here's mine!

Pink

I'm smashing the scale in 2014 because until very recently - and to be honest, even now - I have been slave to the FEAR of the scale.

I haven't been a scale worshipper in the sense that I weighed myself every day except for very short (very disordered) points in my life.  Even at my most anorexic, I was only told what I weighed by doctors or nutritionists.  I have only used enough to generate an unhealthy fear of the spinning number gods.

It just sits in my bathroom, in plain sight, watching me.  Reminding me of what those numbers could mean.  You're good enough.  You failed.  GOOD FOR YOU!  Seriously, Anne?  I almost never step on it.  Because just looking at it is enough of a shameful reminder to stay on track.

I don't get on other people's scales.  I would only weigh myself under strict conditions (first thing in the morning, undressed, after peeing) and my scale is set in kilograms and runs 1.5 kg lighter than a medical scale.  I feared the ramifications seeing a number that hasn't been calibrated and controlled by me.

I don't look at my weight at the doctor's office and have begged nurses not to tell me.  My blood pressure runs 90/60...unless I see the scale.  I got stuck at the OB/GYN for an extra 20 min one day because she told me my weight - my heaviest ever at the peak of my bulimia - right before taking my BP and I shot up to severe hypertension levels mid-panic attack.

SO IN 2014 - I'M SMASHING THE SCALE.

It's -11 degrees today here in Madison, so - more likely - it's just going in the garbage.  But it will no longer haunt my bathroom floor (or the back of my closet, laying in wait) or the back of my mind. It won't tell me a damn thing about myself, or make me feel guilty or ashamed.