Before and After: 8 years and 40 pounds ago

For years I have avoided putting photos of myself 40 pounds ago up where anyone could see them. I was afraid of being judged.

Afraid people would think me some kind of failure or hypocrite.

Afraid to face the fact that, some days, I wanted to backtrack 40 pounds.

Here I am in 2006, 40 pounds lighter than I am today

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And here I am last summer at my current weight, worlds happier, stronger than ever and thrilled to share my journey.

With my bestie in Napa

Many people are very proud of the weight they've lost.  I am incredibly proud of the space I now fill, both energetically and physically.

So now it's out there: I'm not a weight loss success story.  And maybe a 40 pound weight gain will make me less of a strength and fitness coach in some people's eyes.  Maybe even less of a yogi.

But you know what?  It makes me freaking awesome at connecting with people who struggle because I've been there.  I've starved for months, and I've been unable to close the refrigerator.  I've been on an IV drip in the hospital and I've been on the Stairmaster for hours after a cookie dough episode.

And, finally, I have found peace with my body and in my deepest spirit.  I have declared my body a no-war zone and most days I honor it with exercise and food that kicks a$$, tastes awesome and leaves me feeling like a rock star. Other days, I biff it and honor the awesomeness of eating tortilla chips in front of a Netlix marathon of Parks and Recreation.

My new message is this: YOU deserve the space you fill, no matter what size or weight or fitness level you occupy.  YOU are enough.

More to come...